i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
