Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
