Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
