I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
