All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
