God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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