you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
