there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
