it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
