if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
