I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
