The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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