guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
