the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
