she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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