You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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