do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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