Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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