Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
