HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
