It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
