this beer tastes like vomit already
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
