what day is it and did you see me today?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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