I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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