Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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