Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
