i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it glows. i had to have it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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