I'm going to jail i love you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
