it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
