He told me they were just razor bumps!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
