dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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