you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
