the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
