Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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