these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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