sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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