So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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