sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
