i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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