My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
