he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
