i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
worst night to have a conscience
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
