the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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