i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My penis needs a shock collar
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
