Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
