Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
