In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
