The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
