So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
