I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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