We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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