I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
