3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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