Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
