Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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