all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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