She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's great music for shaving your balls
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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