A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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