So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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