I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
