He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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