I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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