4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
