you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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