flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
