So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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