Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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