Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
