If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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