look no pants
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
