While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
